Validating and holding space for someone is a lot more of actions and being than words. Many I spoke are more concern with what to say and miss the point of being with the person.
Here are some things you can do.
1. Give them the space.
notice your need to fill up the space.. by saying something in the silence and gap. eat that up and shut up.
let them have the space. to cry. to speak. to experience their experience.
2. Let them lead the conversation.
whether they want to continue talking about their experiences or they steer out of topic. let them lead where the conversation go. let them go at their own pace. changing topic might be something they do to feel more comfortable.
buckle up and stay put. don’t assume they are done unless they say so.
3. Be aware of your own shit
many people are not able to hold the space because of their own shit. their own discomfort the emotions of the other person. their own shit about needing to save the person or provide solutions.
hold that shit in and release it on the toilet bowl after.
4. Be okay with not knowing what to say or do.
be okay with that and be honest if you do not know what to say or do.
share that instead of trying to assume or force something out.
5. Keep your disagreement to yourself
and nope, keeping your disagreement to yourself does not mean you agree. you can respect their experiences without needing to agree or disagree.
if it is something you really have to say.. here is a time and space to discuss. and this is not the time. when the person is done or ready, ask if they want to hear your perspective.
You don’t need the right words to validate someone or hold the space.
You need the capacity to stay, to hold your own shit in.. to not rush the silence, make it about you or fix the situation..
It is “saying”: i’m here with you. you don’t have to go through this alone .. with your actions, being and words.
save this for the next time someone trusts you with their feelings.