it took me 10 years to realised i have been doing it “wrong” when it comes to building my body of (art) work on social media.
i started my “work/business” account in 2016 and since then, i went through
- 3 accounts..
- .. with 5 (?) or so rebranding (name change without restarting account)
- removing followers multiple times
in the last couple of years, i was drained and burnt out. i’ve said this numerous times and i am getting rather sick of saying it and even more so, going through it. i was annoyed but i also did not have energy to push through and make things happen – which was a really good thing in hindsight. i was exasperated and really wanted to get thing moving. each time I have a burst of idea and energy, i jumped in. but none really got through. during this period, there were many even more half done’s than before.
in jan 2026, i spent a whole bulk of time redefining. a friend and i wanted to do something together about the year with the theme “redefining”. she first suggested it and it landed on me big time. again, that did not go through. i wanted to “blame” it on it being another physical and group event that failed to manifest.
but i realised, redefining is not something for the entire year (for me).. it seems like jan was what was required. and things got so much clearer – including seeing what i’ve been doing it “wrong” the entire decade of trying. 🥲
so, what i realised were
- those “failures” are my attempt of finding what’s “right” for me
i used to see those account change, rebranding, etc as me being fickle minded and not knowing what i want or stand for. but it turns out that they were.. my attempt to keep shifting to what feels right for me among the noises. each change was a shift, a calibration or aligning.
- redefine “work” into artwork
language matters. what we call and term something also play into how we approach it. i have a base distinction of “work” different from others. to me, work is something i put effort into. not the common “do something for money”. so i have been saying “building my body of work” and i recently realised there was a certain level of “correctness” i feel from that, like there is still some set of ‘rules’. and redefining it into “artwork” sit so fucking well with me. last year, i was chatting with ChatGPT about how my sessions are people coming in to witness me presenting my art (my perspective, wisdom, insights and suggestions) and they leave deciding if that is something for them. this year, it hit me to fully distinct it as that for my sharing.
- showing up and putting everything out there is not for me
in the last decades, i believe people that i thought know better. i also collaborated with many different people. some whom i felt used and extracted and others i might have unknowingly extracted from. what caused the most “damage” to me was “give value, share.. keep giving and sharing”. i ended up having people who barely really know or care how i am but in the name of “friend”, would message and ask me for my views on this and that (our entire message thread is about them asking me about certain things). i even walked a “friend” through an entire program design and she offered to give me reading that i “just have to pay $50”. (the entire program planned is worth sooooo much more than $50!)
in human design, this is not an environment for me. i thrives in a Cave environment where there are privacy and control.. where there’s selective access to me – the whole of me including my thoughts and perspectives. having said this, it does not mean i cannot be sharing openly, it just mean that intention matters. what i put out, what i do not.. and deciding who has access to what.
- writing and sharing for social media
this is probably the worst habit i had developed. i used to write, a lot. i used to write imagining someone reading it as an article. but i’m not sure when it started but i begin to write for social media. and that meant i had to cut the words and fit into the criteria of social media.
this also made it hard for me to share freely on my own journey which my friends and clients always tells me they benefit from. also link to the learning above that i am just not comfortable with some of my own processes being out in public not knowing who has access to it.
- i need release and healing for the above
yes, i use the word “need” because it is eating me up.
i knew they were there but it recently dawn on me how much they actually were weighing me down.
- the resentment i have towards those people who extracted from me, who took advantage of the term “friend”
- the tiredness and stress of running weekly group sessions previously to “expand client base” has turned into fear of running group programs in general. it was from the stress of breaking even with the rental etc but it has became a general “what if no one turn up”
- the disgust i feel towards some of the coaches i personally know and had interactions with
what’s from here
many of the puzzles are piecing up. i’ve thought about memberships for a very very long time. i did also tried it for a year, but the structure was not feasible. and as i was figuring out, somehow “business coaches” keep telling me to reconsider/not do it.. that if i do not already have a huge pool of clients then who is going to sign up for it?
they are not wrong, but without understanding my purpose makes that coaching really off.
i am not looking at membership to earn huge recurring income (it is a great idea though) but more of a “closed door” access to me.
it took me a while to get clear and not clouded by it being a “business move” because i kept talking to the wrong people. 🙄 perhaps membership is not the actual term, i am not sure what will it be called yet. but for sure the default “open enrolment” and “public access” will not apply.
i will continue to slowly build/rebuild these infrastructure to support this “operation”.