I struggled the last few days of 2015 and into 2016.. quite badly. I resisted and did not do my closure nor an opening post for the year. I was experiencing sadness, uncertainty, angry and many more random emotions.. but mostly angry I guess. I had many valid reason for feeling that way too. But one apparently stood out.
The lack of (desired) results in 2015.
The same thing that haunt me almost every birthday.
I am getting rather careful with my words. The emphasize of the word, 'desired' is deliberate. For as long as I can remember, I have always been telling people 'I have no results' 'I achieved nothing'.
But really? When two team scores zero in a football match. Do we ever hear anyone announcing there is 'no results'?
When a kid score 100% for a test. Is that a result? How about a kid who score zero? Will the teacher announce that the kid had no results?
A result is simply a consequence, an outcome that is caused or produced by something else.
The result is a draw produced by the two teams playing hard. The result is zero produced by the kid.
This year, I experience the same. I was emotional in December. But this year, I planned my December in a way that it allows me more down time to be emotional, to look at whats happening.
2016…
- Laos Project
- I said "Yes" to leading Laos project. Created a first Love@Pal carnival for fund raising. Raised 23k (or was it 27k?) and completed the project with other 34 volunteers.
- Started teaching yoga again
- Being injured and not being able to teach for 1 year plus hit me hard. My own practice reduced and I was so freaking scared to start all over again. To date, I am not even halfway back to where I used to be physically, but glad I jumped in.
- Performed my first dance
- Learn, practiced and did a flash mob in less than a month of preparation.. Well, actually its just a performance if no one else joined in right? HAHAHAHA.
- Associate trainer with Pivotal
- Said "yes" and joined Pivotal as Associate trainer. Went through their trainer's training and learnt to draw distinctions. One of my favorite thing to talk about now.
- First training with Pivotal youth
- Conducted first training with 10+ leaders. Record now is 40 leaders. Good jump.
- "Points of You" trainer training
- Was given an opportunity to attend their train the trainer workshop for free.
- Psychotherapy & Counseling Certificate
- You won't believe I dragged my last module for a year plus. Finally finished the last module and collected my certification.
- Emotions Run Wild
- Started a card game on emotions with two friends.. just because I believed how important our emotions are.
- Coach in a leadership program
- Jumped into it when my schedule was pack like sardine. I survived.. and learn more things about myself along the way as well. Good call.
- "Oiling" journey
- After procrastinating for damn long, I finally started using essential oils. And then I realised how stupid were my reason for not jumping in.. cos I knew I will be hooked and in love with it and then I will spend a lot of money on it.
- Playing In Universe
- Was feeling really weird to "market" myself. But took a step to start this.
- Diving into the spirituality
- Probably the biggest thing for me this year. One that I am most afraid of yet most looking forward at the same time. So, I tried Channeling, discovered weird ass stuff about myself and receive messages. And I also begin playing with oracle angels card.
It have been a good year of growth! I cannot even remember how many times I was scared shit.. that I do not know how the fuck to move from there. But Im thankful for all the experiences.
Thank you, 2016!
I guess.. Im ready for 2017. HAHAHAHA. Im actually really scared.
So…… Being scared and excited have the same physical sensation, and I was trying to tell myself I am excited. Haven been working much. So I will just be honest with myself that I am freaking scared. It usually work for me that I am first honest with my emotions and then I will be able to shift. So yeah, let's see.
I will be doing my vision planning and goal setting for 2017 on the 2nd.
Meanwhile, I kept having this image coming to my mind:
Air sofa, beach and a good read.
Living part of my ideal life when I was in Bintan earlier this month. Wake up, breakfast, read, lunch, read more, dinner, wine and sleep. Working towards being able to replicate this lifestyle while sustaining survival need.. aka money. Then I can just replace "read" with work and that's it.
Good motivation towards planning for 2017.
Now, Im getting excited.