recently some stuff has been surfacing.. about receiving money from friend turned clients and/or receiving more than i expected/would charge for.
the first thing i went into while processing these are that they are my shit. my baggage. my wounds.
but it turned out to be neither of the above.
so it started with me reviewing my service exchange policy and being taken for granted.. which leads to the business sustainability and the gaps on marketing.
i realised (+ with feedback) the work i do around mentoring, coaching and consulting comes naturally to me that it can happen very smoothly in any conversation and not feeling like it is a session at all yet the value and take away are there.
that leads me to how i find it hard to charge a friend because sometimes i am not sure where is the line between holding that space for a friend vs client since it is so natural.
in a recently session for a friend/client, the message was.. ‘offer to be a mentor for her’ and i chickened out. i never sell my friends anything without them asking and how do i ask her to pay me when.. perhaps i should just be a damn good friend?
this also reminded me of a few cases of being taken for granted where some ‘friends’ kept coming back for more in the name of ‘friends’ in the past.
but what is even funnier is, the current mentorships arrangements.. are all friends whether paid or in service exchange. 😆
another thing that surfaced was receiving 2-3 times more than what i expected/charge for my pay as you wish/can sessions.
i first went into whether it is ethical, because overcharging and/or undercharging are both unethical to me. so i linked receiving more as overcharging and i wanted to return or provide more service to them to ‘top up’ the difference. but soon realised, if i had let it be a pay as you wish, then it is like tipping and it really is up to the person.
from these, i found out that from the years of inner work, ive been slightly conditioned to link everything to it being my problem – tauma, shit, baggage, wounds, whatever.
but yet after i process it, it all pointed me to information and clarity to take for the business and myself.
here are some takeaways:
1) the line between friend and client?
with paid friends/clients, it is an agreement with certain structures. there are accountability, there are tight spaces/containers in place. i have a good friend paying me for mentoring/coaching and we still have deep conversation over dinner and drinks that reveals things here and there. the paid arrangemt are more intentional, specific and put things into perspective and context.
2) the ‘expectation’ of how a session should be like compared to what others are doing. – in my sessions, crying are optional. some take pride in clients crying but for me, crying is only honouring their emotions and no a guideline to how deep we are going. sometimes it still happen. sometimes we work through deep shit without a single drop of tears. challenging and pushing are non existence, unless requested. some coaches use ‘challenge’ as reason to push clients forward. in my sessions, clients willingly take ownership and power into their own hands for their what’s next, regardless how uncomfortable, challenging.. they take it on without me needing to challenge them to take it.
3) ive spoke about receiving money through any means and ways beyond my own limited imagination. and it now show up in forms of clients appreciating me and paying more than i expected/charge for. so i will gladly receive, and i can appreciate them in other means and ways too.
4) this allow me to see the possible gap or how i can market and/or position myself moving forward.
5) it also gives me clarity to the type of clients im drawing in.
6) not everything is about our shit, baggages and wounding.