I was a perfectionist. Now, I am a better perfectionist than before.
I am not recovering, and I do not want.It is not an illness, nor a problem.
But for sure, I got better at it, much much better!
And, no. I do not subscribe to ‘perfectly imperfect’.
Perfect is perfect. Period.
I became better because I understood now.. what is perfect, to me.
I looked deeply at all the things I deem as perfect and beautiful.
Babies.. bringing so much joy, laughter and life. Yet so messy, chaotic and overwhelming.
Children and their creativity – always out of the line and shape drawings, some hardly making sense ideas, uneven…. everything.. and so many other things I can go on and list!
Nature – inconsistent, yet soooo fucking perfect. Inconsistently perfect timings – no sun set and rise at same time. But the magnificence of it is still irresistible. No mountain, trees, flowers, plant.. whatever grow at specific length, height and breath. But they embodied perfection. Nature’s beauty is perfect.
Divine plans and timings are perfect. Soul contracts are perfect. They just aren’t to our human mind preference.
And when I look at all the things I deemed as perfect, look at the pattern and whats common across them. I concluded what is perfection, to me.
Perfection are meaningfully flawed.
Perfection are beautifully inconsistent.
Perfection does not equal comprehensive, it is unfolds moment to moment.
Perfection can be chaotic and messy, yet filling the heart full at the end.
Perfection is not the end results but the process of being fully immersed in the experience of life.
In the past, perfection meant flawless. It meant I personally have nothing to pick on, nothing to critic. It meant there’s no room for mistakes and failures. It meant having seamless plans and that I need to know each step along the way.
These, are not perfection now. They are unreal, fake and I no longer want them.
I want to be immersed in experiences. I want to fall and laugh at myself. I want to make a ‘mistake’, cry over it and then later in hindsight join the dot and says: ‘fuck man. that wasn’t a mistake!’
After realising the things that I find perfect, I realised, my whole life is perfect. Every single thing I do, is perfect. Every single moment is perfect. Everything unfolds perfectly.
Everything is in it’s perfect time and space, and so am I.
– I feel touched and get overwhelmed by gratitude every single time I think and feel this.
Sometimes feeling how silly I was, that I got confused by my human mind on the idea of perfection – when that, is actually what I truly deem as imperfect, unreal and fake.
If you are a fellow perfectionist, and people are asking you to stop being one.. to heal from being one.. and it does not resonate with you.. Then how about hop on the journey to explore perfection – at your own terms. Have a deep look at all the things you deem as perfect – what do they have in common?
If your meaning of perfection in other things differ from the perfection you hold in yourself and your life, you do not need to stop being a perfectionist.. But you can start shifting and aligning what and how you hold yourself to perfection, with the new found benchmark/guidelines/meaning.
I had been wanting to write this post for the longest time, but there’s no better perfect timing to finish writing it than now. I am back to playing with ‘dj-ing’ and this time, trying at creating and producing my own background music even.
And there’s my very first sound journeying track I created all by myself – “Honouring the perfectionist in you.” It is channeled for the perfectionist, not to shame, heal or recover from it. But to shift and align to what does perfection truly means.
It consist of a couple of layers – music, sound, soul / light language, drumming, etc. There’s nothing to consciously do, think or understand about. Use it for your journeying or meditation, or simply as background music.
Use it however you want for personal use, if you are received and gained from it and would like to make an exchange – like, share, comment and let me know how it has impacted you. If you would like to make a monetary exchange, here’s the link: paypal.me/tingtsb
If you are a practitioner/coach and would like to use this for your client/s, feel free to do so. Credit and/or make a monetary exchange of however amount feels right for you/your client.